webers
03-06-2003, 05:12 PM
Fernandez,
You asked if I could represent you in a case dealing with what sounds to me like crotch rot on your balls:
Before I take any case involving someone's balls, I need to conduct an inital consultation to see if case has the potential for sufficient return. My standard procedure is to conduct this consultaion by placing the plaintiff's balls between a 3/4 inch thick piece of plywood and the working end of a loaded .357 ban stick. I then forceably compress the ban stick to simulate the "pressure" applied by opposing attorneys. The loud "BANG" often experienced thereafter is designed to make the plaintiff accustomed to the sound of the judge's gavel, and the stressors of the courtroom. Of course, the real measure of the case is whether the plaintiff passes out before, after, or as a result of the bang stick is compressed. If before, definitely no case: the plaintiff is weak and has no stomach for a trial. If after, but the bang stick misfires, then we have a case. This is one tough and lucky plaintiff-- the verdict or settlement will be huge!!!!! And, of course, if his balls are splattered to kingdom come, I'll assign the case to a younger attorney and suggest he or she settle quick: there won't be much evidence for trial and its better we get the $$ befor the other side finds that out.
So, when are you availble for my initial consultaiton. P.S. I charge $315 per hour, regardless.
Scott
You asked if I could represent you in a case dealing with what sounds to me like crotch rot on your balls:
Before I take any case involving someone's balls, I need to conduct an inital consultation to see if case has the potential for sufficient return. My standard procedure is to conduct this consultaion by placing the plaintiff's balls between a 3/4 inch thick piece of plywood and the working end of a loaded .357 ban stick. I then forceably compress the ban stick to simulate the "pressure" applied by opposing attorneys. The loud "BANG" often experienced thereafter is designed to make the plaintiff accustomed to the sound of the judge's gavel, and the stressors of the courtroom. Of course, the real measure of the case is whether the plaintiff passes out before, after, or as a result of the bang stick is compressed. If before, definitely no case: the plaintiff is weak and has no stomach for a trial. If after, but the bang stick misfires, then we have a case. This is one tough and lucky plaintiff-- the verdict or settlement will be huge!!!!! And, of course, if his balls are splattered to kingdom come, I'll assign the case to a younger attorney and suggest he or she settle quick: there won't be much evidence for trial and its better we get the $$ befor the other side finds that out.
So, when are you availble for my initial consultaiton. P.S. I charge $315 per hour, regardless.
Scott