The Lobster That Almost Cost Me My Manhood

[Dive4Blood]

I spent the weekend diving in South Carolina with Slay Ride, Charlestondivin, and Kitefisherman. A bizarre occurrence while tangling with a large lobster almost allowed me to compete in the women's divison of the St. Pete Open this year. Kitefisherman is doubtless catching up with work, editing pics, and cleaning gear so I will defer the sordid tale until he posts the trip report. Standing by.....

AJ Suarez

[kitefisherman]

After a 10 hour drive, I arrived home and unpacked the car and processed the fish. I then opened my refrigerator door to discover that it had crapped out over the weekend and was about 90 degrees inside.

After much cleaning and disinfecting, I had little energy to write a trip report, and today I am in the office for the first time since last Tuesday. So, here are a few pics to start things off. Les, Rob and Armando please chime in and add your pics.

Me with a personal best 28 pound gag that I shot on Les and my first dive in 170 feet.

[kitefisherman]

We saw a lot of scamps but few of any real size. Here are a couple that I shot in about 130 feet.

[kitefisherman]

Armando and Rob decked out in their Zeagle gear with their new guns and and ready to dive!

[kitefisherman]

Armando with a trophy bigeye and a nice gag

[kitefisherman]

Armando with the lobster that almost cost him his nuts

[kitefisherman]

One of my better stringers of scamps and bugs.

[kitefisherman]

Rob with a rare South Carolina mutton

[intowin]

I take it you dont have a problem with the tie raps coming off the lobster when strung on the stringer. Good idea if not.

[Spearo_Fla]

I saw those tie wraps too, good idea!

[kitefisherman]

Jim, I haven't had any problems, but Les has. I prefer to use a lobster gulper style bag because its faster and the bugs can't wrap their legs around you and rocks and stuff, but often the SC bugs are too big to fit through the mouth of the bag, so I zip tie them. The zip ties are also handy when you are in an area where you don't expect to see many bugs and don't want the drag of a bag.

[Charlestondivin]

No fish to be found. Hit all the best spots. Went north, south, deep, mid, shallow but still no damn fish. Next time we will mug em.

[dagodiver]

Great stuff nice report.!

Thanks

Dago.

[RichT]

It looks like John(Kitefisherman) in the picture where the diver has the quiver on his back holding the spare wong/Riffe shaft?
If so, What kind of gun are you using?
And what is that in the bottle? Looks like maybe a scorpionfish?

And whats with all the attacking lobster this year? First one guys finger and now the pistachio holder of Armando?

[kitefisherman]

Rich: Yes, that's my spare shaft quiver. I am sorting out some issues with my new shafts for my 55" Wong Florida Freeshafter, so for the time being I've gone back to my Riffe MT3 enclosed track for freeshafting. I hadn't picked up my MT3 for 6 months (since I got my FF), I didn't even change the bands, and yet it was if I'd been shooting it all along. I love that gun. I can shoot it just as well as my Wong with almost as much range. I hit just about everything I shot at including a 50 pound cobia into whose forehead I put a freeshaft just like in my avitar. Unfortunately, this cobia wasn't stoned and stirred up the sleeping ray that he was circling above and was off before I could get a second shot in him. Too bad I didn't have a powerhead although I'm not sure that you can use them there.

The fish in the bottle is a lionfish that was collected for the scientists. They are everywhere.

[ScottZeagle]

No fish to be found. Hit all the best spots. Went north, south, deep, mid, shallow but still no damn fish. Next time we will mug em.

I think they were hiding from you experienced pros...

They will hopefully come out when the rookie gets up there in a few weeks!!!

:D :D

[Dive4Blood]

Charlestondivin and I were up to drop on a ledge in 130 fsw. We went down the jugline, and went in opposite directions with myself going break left. I swam down the ledge shooting a couple of nice gags, a huge bigeye toro that I took to Burt Lancater today for a gyotaku print, and some slipper lobsters until the structure petered out. I reversed course, and upon arriving back at the jugline, noticed a beefy set of antennae poking out of a crack. Of course this was the one dive that I didn't bring any industrial zip ties, or a lobster bag, but I'd be damned if I was going let this crustacean have a hall pass.

I swam up behind the crack, and quickly pounced on the good sized bug getting a firm grip on the base of its antennae. Shooting fish while bear hugging an oceanic roach is pretty difficult so I decided to head to the surface. With the jug right there in front of me, I figured I would ride it up, straddling a couple feet above the line as it was highly angled from the current. MISSION CRITICAL MISTAKE.

Unbeknowest to me, someone had hooked the jugline while fishing so they decided to pull it up in order to more easily untangle the mess. One hundred feet below hovers D4B. One second celebrating the lobster dinner that will be soon taking place in Lutz, and the next seeing a large lead weight rapidly ascending with a trajectory ground zero aimed at the twin guardians of the ass fort. The next sequence proceeded in slow motion as the jug weight struck the back side of my hairy danglers with the force of Barry Bonds slugging a fastball after a visit to the Balco Labs.

I fell backwards in the water column dropping my gun, nearly puking in my regulator as the neurons in my nad sack delivered the exquisite message to my brain. Much like Wil E. Coyote when he gets struck with an Acme brand anvil, the cartoon cuckoo birds started circling my head as I landed in the sand tank first, flaying my arms and legs like an upturned loggerhead turtle that has had too many Jaegermeister shots. Now while all this is happening the lobster is wildly snapping its body in order to escape my clutch, but there was no possible way that I was going to let go regardless of whether it ripped apart my Akona glove or hand for that matter.

I regained some sense of composure, grabbed my gun off the ledge, and put the Vulcan death grip on the bug while starting my second attempt to the surface world. I kept myself occupied during my safety stop by frequently checking to make sure that Captain Penis McPenis and his two first mates were still in order. I surfaced without issue, and everyone on the boat had a good laugh at the bizarre incident.

AJ Suarez

[Dive4Blood]

Les and Rob worked their asses off to put us in position to shoot nice fish, and were the consummate hosts. I enjoyed driving the Slay Ride, a Bertram Moppie sportfish that handles like a sports car, and damned if we didn't eat like kings! Venison, shrimp, grouper, lobster, gourmet sausages, deli subs, New York strip steaks, and key lime pie! I feel like I have gained back the 15# that I have recently lost ;) ......

While total production was off, I still had a great time finally getting an opportunity to dive up there after two blow outs, and brought home plenty of lobster which are typically infrequent bonuses where I dive in addition to bags of grouper fillets. The cool structure is different than the normal stuff I do, and I got enough of a taste to want to make a return visit perhaps later on in the year when slaying mass quantities is about as much of a 100% guarantee as you'll get in the spearfishing world. Thanks guys, if you'll have me back consider me locked in for a Nov-Dec return with the first weekend of diveable weather. Standing by.....

[kitefisherman]

Another big thanks to Les and Rob for all their hospitality. Les took Friday off to prep the boat for us in the extreme heat. He had to finally go home when he could no longer sweat.

Les pulled out all the stops on the meals as well. Saturday night aboard the Slay Ride we had plates of grilled scamp, lobster and strip steaks before us, and Les was still busy grilling these great chicken and onion sausages. When it was all over, Les seemed disappointed that we hadn't eaten more potato salad! Good times, good friends and good food!

We didn't get into the fish like we planned, but it was not for any lack of effort on Rob and Les's part. We went deep, shallow, North and South, but we found only small and scattered concentrations of fish. Nevertheless, there was still plenty of fish to shoot at and I was still able to work up a good loading bruise on my upper abs.

Thanks also to Jan Orr for all the hospitality back at the house. Armando can attest that she makes a mean margarita.

Some day I'll teach those people at the Big Game Club how to blacken fish.

[f94gator]

Ah, another good one! Any story that ends with someone getting nailed in the nuts is a winner!! :)

[Slay Ride]

Had a great time guys. We'll hit em again. Guess you can't have banner days every day. I've been on a pretty good run lately. I definitely took you to my best spots.

Armando you got a date with Slay Ride in Nov. or Dec. Just put it on the calendar and let me know some dates. I don't have much travel then.
\
You guys forgot to mention the flounder and sheepshead.......whoohooooo.

[kitefisherman]

Rob: How is your lionfish sting doing?

[Charlestondivin]

The sting didn't last long. Was a pleasure having you guys, too bad we didn't get on the fish.

[aue-mike]

Les and Rob worked their asses off to put us in position to shoot nice fish, and were the consummate hosts. I enjoyed driving the Slay Ride, a Bertram sportfish that handles like a sports car

Les and Rob are definitely awesome hosts - without question - and the SLAY RIDE is a sweeeeeeet ride. Can't wait to return!!

[Mobile Diver]

Great trip & great story. No one can use language like AJ. "Twin guardians of the as fort" :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Silent Hunter]

Nice haul great lookin lobster!!!

[Hunt4PinkOctobr]

What's the story on those Big Eye Toros? Good to eat? How big do they get? Legal to spear in Fla?

[Slay Ride]

Good to eat- yes. Taste like blackfish. White and flakey. I would say AJ's is a big one yes. Don't know about spearing in FL.

Slay Ride did us well, we just didn't find the fish. Maybe driving up to a Shark Longliner 0.3 nm from our dive site and seeing multiple 300+ sharks on the deck was not the good mojo we needed.

[Aquiles]

Is that a new type of drink in that plastic bottle. Might that be a lion limeaid! Very cool contraption to preserve the little guy. I hear that they are a hell of a problem up there.

Cheers

Aquiles