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06-16-2004, 11:01 PM | #1 |
L.O.S.T.
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Tallahassee Florida
Posts: 12
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Are you a "Liberal" or a "Conservative?"
From Capt. Ken's web site...http://bigbendsportsman.com/
The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood. Humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This epochal innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the great bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been invented, so it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days killing animals to barbeque at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned how to live off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night and doing women's work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement. Later, some of the liberals actually became women. Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, invention of group therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer and meat that the conservatives provided. Women were not interested in democracy at that time because most of them were still women back then, and the conservatives fed them. Conservatives are symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most prefer white wine or foreign water in a bottle. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are on liberal menus Their women have more testosterone than the men. Liberals like deviant sex and want others to like it too. Their first successful city governments were Sodom and Gomorrah. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, and group therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in baseball because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals do not produce anything. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what is to be done with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals just stayed in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. Conservatives have principles; believe in a Creator, and the rule of law. They practice charity and give to the poor, normally through their churches. When in doubt on an issue, they check both the Bible and the Constitution, which they use as a constant reference in a changing world. They believe in the concept of truth. Liberals do not have principles, except for their dedication to stealing production of conservatives and undermining principled references such as the Bible and Constitution. They are never in doubt on an issue because they always do whatever is best for them without regard to others. They have no standard of reference. Liberals do not give to charity. They cultivate the poor like a cat cultivates a field of mice. They use the poor as voters and give them a portion of stolen tax money, which they vote away from conservatives. Conservatives believe in self-defense, both at home and abroad. They own guns and use them to discourage liberals and other common criminals. They provide guns to the armed forces to discourage foreign liberals and other foreign criminals. Liberals do not believe in conservative self-defense. They disarm conservatives, and then attack them with impunity by liberal armies with guns. King George, Hitler and Stalin were all liberals who abandoned the rule of Law, had no principles except their own self-indulgence, and attempted to tax and govern conservatives. Liberals believe in BIG government. They think the United Nations is the ultimate answer. Conservatives believe in the rule of law and when sitting on juries, convict common criminals and acquit fellow conservatives who have been charged by liberals. When serving in the armed forces, they shoot liberals from other countries who want to govern our country. Conservatives know the difference between a common-sense law and a bone-headed statute passed by some liberal from Massachusetts. When sitting on juries, they do not enforce bone-headed statutes, and don't explain their reasons. Liberals only believe in whatever laws are appealing to them, such as the privilege of making a living by taxing conservatives. When sitting on juries, liberals convict producers and acquit liberals and other common criminals. Modern Judges are all liberals as they do not produce anything except chaos, and are paid with confiscated tax money. They consider it against the law to reference any source of law such as the Bible or Constitution. Like other liberals, they just make it up as they go and do what is best for them. Judge Roy Bean is their model. The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore Conservative. A hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to find the owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might locate your master?" To which the cowboy replied, "That Son-of-a-***** ain't been born yet."
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So many FISH...So little Time! |
06-17-2004, 08:27 AM | #2 |
Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,634
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Somebody actually wasted their time to write that down?? I don't know about you, but I've met plenty of sorry ass pansy conservatives and more than a few liberals that would be more than willing to beat your ass if you asked for it
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06-17-2004, 08:47 AM | #3 |
Memeber What?
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: In the Middle of Fl
Posts: 3,797
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ITS OVER WAKE UUUUPPPPP.......
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06-17-2004, 03:15 PM | #4 |
Ace of Spades
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Homestead, FL & FL Keys
Posts: 1,785
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Steelnutz says "Conservatives......believe in the CONCEPT of truth".....so why does ACTUAL truth seem to elude them?
If liberals "took away your guns" with the assault weapon ban then why didn't the present Conservative run white house and congress give them back to you this year when they could have by not renewing the legislation? I personally don't agree with the bill since it is only a token gesture to ease peoples irrational fear of firearms by vilifying and outlawing a group of specific guns that "look"nasty. Clearly this time around Conservatives can rest easy knowing that this time it was their side who imposed a few more years of restrictions on them. Here's something that may be news to you but not all liberals are candy ass preservationist vegitarians. What kind of spell does the Republican party have over you. Have they convinced you that they personify your moral ideals and are looking out for your best interest. Was it that $300 check we all got during this administrations first couple of days. If it is then they bought you cheap. Unless you are the CEO of some energy company or the descendant of some tycoon family I bet $300 is as much of the tax cut as you will ever see. Don't worry well have another ten years of trying to figure out who really got all the money while we dig out from the trillion dollar deficit this administration will tack up. Maybe it's the school voucher they offered you. That $500 bucks means that you are now only $17500/semester away from the tuition you would have to pay to get the same education Bush senior got at Exeter Prepatory school when he was a kid. Maybe it's because Conservatives finally proved that a self described C student who legacied into Yale can become president....(but don't get your hopes up that is only if you are filthy stinking rich and your daddy is well connected).
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"The most and best is known to the man who quits his bed before sunrise..who spends his days on the mountain and forests..who bears the heat and cold and hunger and thirst..for the love of nature..to visit the utmost refuge of beast and bird." Pease Extreme Divers spearfishing club Last edited by apexpredator; 06-17-2004 at 03:18 PM. |
06-17-2004, 05:01 PM | #5 |
Memeber What?
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: In the Middle of Fl
Posts: 3,797
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Nevermind AJ its not over
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06-17-2004, 09:05 PM | #6 |
L.O.S.T.
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Tallahassee Florida
Posts: 12
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Ladies...Ladies! Now, now... don't get all wrapped up in this. It's only a joke. I read it on another web site and thought I would share. I just loved the last line. That's all. Truth be known I'm an independent
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So many FISH...So little Time! |
06-17-2004, 09:12 PM | #7 |
Hi-Tek Rednek
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Angry liberals make me laugh.
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06-17-2004, 10:35 PM | #8 |
Reel Mojo
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Ozona, FL
Age: 49
Posts: 531
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Why are liberals always so angry about being called a liberal?
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James McKeever |
06-18-2004, 08:13 AM | #9 |
Hi-Tek Rednek
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They aren't liberal, they're "INDEPENDENTS" remember?
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06-18-2004, 08:53 AM | #10 |
Chuck say's "SIT DOWN"
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Baton Rouge, La
Posts: 659
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No matter what, it's still pretty damn funny.
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06-18-2004, 09:03 AM | #11 |
Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,634
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This thread's still going? Ya'll can sure keep yourselves entertained. It reminds me of the Saturday Night Live skit where Will Ferrell does an imitation of George W. Bush playing with a ball of string in the corner of the oval office
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06-18-2004, 09:48 AM | #12 |
Naval gazer extraordinair
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 42,214
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"Why are liberals always so angry about being called a liberal?"
Why is anyone that's not a "fully committed, don't even start to think otherwise" Republican, labled a "Liberal" by these people? There's a stigma attached to the word "Liberal" that's been propagated by the right wing media, the following link provides some insight on this. http://www.joecitizen.org/liberalsfail.html If you think attacking anyone that's not on the far right is good for America..think again. All you're doing is subverting part of the first amendment, "freedom of speech". Damn it, I told myself I wouldn't be dragged into this morass. BTW, I'm independent. I don't fully agree with any parties views.
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“If the natural tendencies of mankind are so bad that it is not safe to permit people to be free, how is it that the tendencies of these organizers are always good? Do not the legislators and their appointed agents also belong to the human race? Or do they believe that they themselves are made of a finer clay than the rest of mankind?” ― Frederic Bastiat, The Law |
06-18-2004, 10:40 AM | #13 |
Chuck say's "SIT DOWN"
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Baton Rouge, La
Posts: 659
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BTW, its a joke.
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