Another cat joke - Spearboard.com - The World's Largest Spearfishing Diving Boating Social Media Forum

*biggsy* · 01-20-2005, 12:30 PM

Subject: To all cat lovers or not

If you've got a cat and a garbage disposal with a reset button, BE CAREFUL! !

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"

There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.

No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at t he precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome.

Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter....
.. .and not succeeding.

Somehow I! lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

If they only knew!

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

Fish-Kabob · 01-20-2005, 01:33 PM

Lmao!!!

Swimsuit · 01-20-2005, 03:37 PM

Lol!!

fishinbitch · 01-20-2005, 03:44 PM

Haha

inletsurf · 01-20-2005, 05:34 PM

I hate it when that happens. F'in cats.

from the sea · 01-20-2005, 05:55 PM

damn that gatta suck! lol

from the sea · 01-20-2005, 06:06 PM

dude i just let my sis read it, she died, i had to drag her off the floor!

*biggsy* · 01-20-2005, 06:31 PM

They just dont get it do they?

DBS · 01-21-2005, 01:39 AM

LMAO. great story.

chasintail · 01-21-2005, 08:45 AM

lmfao

Marcus · 01-21-2005, 12:03 PM

Biggsy, did that really happen to YOU?! LMAO!

*biggsy* · 01-21-2005, 05:05 PM

Someone sent it to me...thank god...No...


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01-20-2005, 12:30 PM	#1
biggsy No, it's a sachel Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Fort Myers, Florida Age: 39 Posts: 8,121	Another cat joke Subject: To all cat lovers or not If you've got a cat and a garbage disposal with a reset button, BE CAREFUL! ! We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one: Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!" "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at t he precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.... .. .and not succeeding. Somehow I! lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?" If they only knew! Why is it that only the women laugh at this? __________________ John Biggs Mega Moderator

01-20-2005, 01:33 PM	#2
Fish-Kabob Registered User Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 252	Re: Another cat joke Lmao!!!

01-20-2005, 03:37 PM	#3
Swimsuit Marine Biologist Geek Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Valparaiso, IN Age: 30 Posts: 914	Re: Another cat joke Lol!! __________________ Professional Sunbather, Official Boat Decoration , & now spearfisher(wo)man Taught to dive and spear by my husband Jeff "Keezdiver" Simonds. He will always be the voice in my head on my dives. 4-24-78~2-18-10

01-20-2005, 03:44 PM	#4
fishinbitch Run with the big boys! Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 64	Re: Another cat joke Haha

01-20-2005, 05:34 PM	#5
inletsurf Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Melboring, Florida Posts: 7,353	Re: Another cat joke I hate it when that happens. F'in cats.

01-20-2005, 05:55 PM	#6
from the sea HardCoreDeepSeaDiver Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Big Pine Key, Fl /Ft. Myers, Fl/Houma, La Age: 27 Posts: 831	Re: Another cat joke damn that gatta suck! lol __________________ >>>---------> }<}}}}*> Please tell your breasts to stop staring at my eyes thank you tools of the trade

01-20-2005, 06:06 PM	#7
from the sea HardCoreDeepSeaDiver Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Big Pine Key, Fl /Ft. Myers, Fl/Houma, La Age: 27 Posts: 831	Re: Another cat joke dude i just let my sis read it, she died, i had to drag her off the floor! __________________ >>>---------> }<}}}}*> Please tell your breasts to stop staring at my eyes thank you tools of the trade

01-20-2005, 06:31 PM	#8
biggsy No, it's a sachel Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Fort Myers, Florida Age: 39 Posts: 8,121	Re: Another cat joke They just dont get it do they? __________________ John Biggs Mega Moderator

01-21-2005, 01:39 AM	#9
DBS Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Arkadelphia, AR Posts: 112	Re: Another cat joke LMAO. great story. __________________ I'm scared of water.

01-21-2005, 08:45 AM	#10
chasintail Hell Diver Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Ocean Springs MS Age: 36 Posts: 4,701	Re: Another cat joke lmfao

01-21-2005, 05:05 PM	#12
biggsy No, it's a sachel Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Fort Myers, Florida Age: 39 Posts: 8,121	Re: Another cat joke Someone sent it to me...thank god...No... __________________ John Biggs Mega Moderator

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