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Old 04-08-2017, 12:39 PM   #1
andrew37
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 79
super-world-class dive board

FS/T: this wicked dope, super-world-class, one-of-a-kind dive board. Handmade by yours truly and clinically proven to improve your diving 1,000%. Dive deeper, longer. Woo tanker WSB closer than you ever thought possible in the chilly waters of Northern California. Improve your performance in the sack. This thing does it all!





It may look like a shitty dive board with rucksack straps hastily zip-tied on, but this thing is so much more. Abalone will tremble at the sound of this bad boy sliding across the water. Fish will surrender at first sight (legend has it they've even been known to impale themselves on the spears of divers in possession of this board!). Your dive buddies will be wet with jealousy (and salt water).

Left side velcro straps are for long fins. Right side velcro and bungie are for your gun. Clip is for a grab bag (there's also a buckle at the bottom -- if you ask nicely I may even throw in the grab bag with the corresponding buckle -- keeps your loaded bag from swinging around like Tarzan when you're hiking back up from your dive).


FAQs:

Q: Will this board actually make women want me and fish fear me?
A: Sure, why not?*

Q: What makes this better than a Banks Board or equivalent?
A: Next question.

Q: Those zip ties look sketchy.
A: You misspelled "dope." But 4realz, they'll at least hold your gear + a limit of abs and urchins.

Q: How much does this glorious device cost? I want it more than anything, but I can't afford *priceless* items like this.
A: This board can be yours for the low, low price of $15 OBO!

Q: Where can I meet you?
A: SF Bay Area (split between the south bay and Berkeley). Will consider bringing it to SoCal if you can wait a couple weeks.


*poster accepts no liability if women end up fearing you and big, toothy fish end up wanting you. that's on you.
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Old 04-08-2017, 12:50 PM   #2
bigjim
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Watsonville, CA
Age: 48
Posts: 250
Re: super-world-class dive board

LOL!!!

Love it!!



Sincerely,

Jim
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